There’s been this creeping feeling of wrongness in my life for some time now. And the longer it’s been there, the bigger it has felt – gaining momentum like the proverbial snowball down the slope – to the point where hubby and I came home after a really good night out and I just cried.
And cried, and cried.
I decided then – it’s time to stop it. Time to accept that there are things that I am not happy about, and to address them.
I seem to have spent most of this year questioning myself: Am I happy with life? Am I getting anywhere with my music? Am I spending my time on the right things? Am I ‘good enough’? Have I made the right choices? Am I doing anything to make the world better? Am I doing something I believe in? Am I going in even vaguely the right direction?
These are the kind of questions that we do need to ask ourselves from time to time, but the constant drip, drip, drip of self-doubt has just been making me miserable.
In all this questioning, there is one definite answer. Things need to change – and at the top of the list is my job.
Those who know me personally will know that I’ve said this for some time, but now I really think that my happiness, time and mental health is worth more than the monthly wage that’s been keeping me there.
I need a new start.
I don’t expect this to magically fix everything – in fact, I fully expect the next few months to be pretty tough. There will be less money coming in so there will have to be cut-backs, but I believe that hubby and I will be able to get by, get through it, and hopefully come out the other side happier.